Parenting in New York City can often seem like a competitive sport. Is it the same where you are? Maybe this is just a Brooklyn or Manhattan postpartum parenting phenomenon. But, I suspect it's a bit more global! There's always someone at the playground or school yard mentioning how early their kid walked, talked or slept through the night. The choices to work or not, opt for a nanny versus group childcare, stay in the city or split for the suburbs can make it feel like no matter what we do, we're not making the best choice. The pressure to get it right for the sake of our kids is extreme. And what a price to pay for both us and our kids: stressed families where nothing is ever good enough. We feel like we're always behind-- working really hard scurrying on the hamster wheel but never feeling like we're doing anything well. Sound familiar?
I've seen both professionally and personally that the moms and dads who are most at home in their own skins, most confident in their parenting choices and just less preoccupied about attaining some unreachable goal of perfection, all share a secret. They know that they will never be "that mom" or "that dad."
You know "those parents," right? The ones who are PTA president, grow their own organic food, pack gourmet lunches for their children and spouse, maintain an impeccable apartment, have some awesome work from home gig, and always look fabulous? Well, the rest of us could take some lessons from those that are okay with being good enough. Why? Because those folks know that they have their own super powers in other areas; that they don't have to excel in every single aspect of parenting and life, because it's just not possible. They know they can't be perfect and they are okay with that. And these are moms and dads that absolutely shine as parents. Maybe they know that they are awesome huggers and all-around great organizers of games and family activities. Or that they remember and share family stories so that their child will pass the family lore on one day. Or that they always know where the lost teddy bear is. Whatever it is, they know that we all excel in some areas and not in others. Yes, even "that mom" and "that dad" have room for improvement. And I suspect they're paying quite a price to maintain the aura of perfection. So why not focus on what we're great at as parents and people?
After all, do our kids notice or care that we are knocking ourselves out, sweating the small, unimportant stuff? Nope! Would they prefer to cherish memories of us as calm and happy to be around them? Absolutely!
So, what's your super power?