I get asked pretty often-- "what's the difference between coaching and therapy?"
Well for starters, therapy focuses on you and oftentimes addresses symptoms such as depression or anxiety. As a parent, when you aren't feeling like yourself, it can have real ramifications for the rest of the family. It is key to take the time to get relief, both for your sake and for your family's. I urge parents to incorporate counseling, meditation, exercise and slowing down to help address the emotions that are interfering in your day-to-day. For some folks, a session or two is all it takes to "right the ship." For others with more long standing symptoms (eg, "I've always been a worrier,"), it may take a bit longer to shift those thoughts and feelings. But it can be done! In therapy, I use a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and supportive therapies, with a strong focus on self care and self regulation. CBT has a fairly intuitive underlying concept, namely that your thoughts affect your feelings and behaviors. Helping clients examine their negative, distorted thoughts using a more balanced and realistic lens can make a huge difference both as a person and a parent.
While in parenting coaching we certainly look at how you are doing, the main focus is on improving the relationship with your child. As a parent, I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed and having some outside help can really help shift the negative dynamics at play at home. The peaceful parenting approach is practical, and it works. There are three main ideas. The first is the need to regulate yourself as a parent. So, stopping yourself from yelling, pausing to breathe and not reacting as if the situation is an emergency is key. The next and most important piece is fostering connection. We truly cannot force our kids to comply--instead we have to use the power of our relationship. This means taking the time to connect and build a warm, loving relationship so that our child will not want to endanger that connection, and will instead, follow our guidance. The last part, is to coach and not to control our kids. Studies have shown that spanking and time outs are truly ineffective as means of guidance. When children misbehave, it's actually a sign that there is something wrong physically (hunger, fatigue) or within the relationship, but not with the child. Mind you, this is not permissive parenting, where anything goes and the child has the run of the house. On the contrary, the idea is to maintain limits but use empathy to see your child's point of view.
So would you like to work on you or on your relationship with your child? In some cases, I even offer a bit of both coaching and therapy, which can be a good option as well. I am happy to speak and offer additional guidance on which option is best for you.